In my spiritual practice, I have come to love the rainbow. Very often it has come to me as a symbol, during dreams or meditation. It is a symbol that has to do with liberation, with seeing and learning to see the whole that connects all things. And the times I saw it I was usually overcoming some inner obstacle.
But in popular culture it is very often misunderstood. The rainbow — in reality — isn’t about a naively joyful, happy-go-lucky experience of life. It isn’t about the toothbreakingly sweet pinkish worlds of Japanese kawai culture or unicorns. In truth, the rainbow is about embracing all the energies of life equally. From high to low and from left to right, front to back. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.
This requires us to embrace ourselves in complete fullness. From the things we are good at to the things know we need to change. And even beyond that, to the things we may not be aware are causing you problems. Doing so is very difficult, because you are always ‘fighting’ an opponent of exactly your own strength and size!
If we do dare to do it, though, we can do it in various ways. We can sit with the energy until it unravels; we can meditate, alchemising it into dissolving in the buildup of subtle energies in our Being; we can pray; or we can go into therapy to analyse it until it breaks. Just to name a few.
But there is another way, and one which is the only way that I found to truly embrace all the parts of ourselves and grant them the respect they deserve. It is the approach of using the lower to reach the higher. It is a path where we USE our fear, our anger and our attachments to resolve problems — rather than being used BY them.
Now, this may sound very paradoxical, but in principle it works like this:
We may have a problem inside ourselves, somethings that always makes us very angry, perhaps with a partner or relative. Now, whenever it is triggered, we can choose to oppress it and hold it in, but usually this leads to us simply exploding at some point anyway and letting it out uncontrollably, allowing it to wreak a lot of havoc in the relationship.
Or we could choose to let it be, and show the anger to the other person, explaining to them how they make you feel. Doing this can often lead to a confrontation where things can get ugly, because sooner or later you’re no longer truly listening to one another, starting to shout and perhaps even curse or call names. Blaming and shaming.
But there is a THIRD WAY. It is the exact midpoint between the other two. And this is the way I am pointing at in this post. In this third way we talk to the other person, telling them how we feel, but we intentionally and very strictly remain aware of every detail of what we are saying and how we are saying it.
We assert ourselves, listening closely to ourselves, telling the other about our feelings and learning more about it OURSELVES too while doing so. And we choose to truly listen to the other person too, with the same close attention.
With every following step, we add to this three things: we remain close too ourselves, take the other person’s feelings seriously, and we refrain from doing or saying things that escalate.
If we manage to do this, we will learn more about our anger — while showing ourselves due self-respect because we address it — and at the same time the other person will get to know us better, deepening our connection.
But the other may not yet see the difference between letting your anger out measuredly and controlled. And they have probably had many experiences where people who were angry to them never ended up treating them well and seemingly mostly caring about themselves.
You, on the other side, are doing this out of love, not out of hate. You will therefore have to make sure the other person understands exactly what it is you are doing (sharing openly) and where it is coming from (Love and a deep wish to improve your bond). Explaining that you are trying to let out the anger in order to solve a problem between you, rather than to further deepen the pit once again, or to create a new one.
And you may have to repeat this a few times, at various stages of the conversation.
If we manage to do this: letting the anger out, observing it closely, continuing to listen to the other respectfully, comforting them that you mean well. If we show them during the conversation that we ARE in fact trying to work towards the resolvement of the problem. And that our understanding of each other is in fact truly deepening. Then, you will ultimately be able to reach a point where you both will feel liberated.
You will then feel released from the anger you felt, finally feeling no longer misunderstood. And similarly, the other will start to feel liberated from a problem they had inside. One that they may not have even been completely aware of before the conversation. Your connection will suddenly feel lighter for both of you and you will both feel as if you have regained your true inner power.
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Summarisingly, this is the process we will then have gone through:
- We feel anger and choose to not keep it in and suppress it.
- We talk to the other person about our anger, remaining extremely aware of our own anger, the way it feels, the words and deeds we choose to express it.
- We listen with the same deep attention to the other person’s and their feelings.
- If needed, we repeatedly reassure the other that we are acting from a place of love and not hate and we try to clearly show the other our good intentions as well as our aim for the ‘exit’ / resolvement of the problem.
- We stay away from escalating, tell the others when we feel they are escalating, and work towards a resolvement that is as clean and quick as it can be, while remaining patient and respectful of the fact that not everyone involved may have the same pace as we do.
- We continue the process until each person involved gets a feeling of liberation. Of being freed from the problem into a greater, more truthful and compassionate awareness. Whenever there is doubt about this, there is still something to work on.
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This is the power of the MUṆḌAMĀLA. The garland of skulls worn by several Hindu and Buddhist deities. It stands for the full embrace of all aspects of Being in order to resolve problems into a greater sense of awarenes. It is a spiritual object I have one day received in a dream, after I managed to master this approach to resolving conflict.
This approach is something we will be gravely needing if we want to resolve the problems the world is currently facing, where countries, groups, socio-economic classes are no longer understanding each other and are no longer open to communicating with each other. These are things that we will not be able to resolve by being soft and nice, and all simply continuing to focus on our own joys in life.
What I am speaking of is the power to resolve issues and determine results IN THE NAME OF LOVE. It is power used in service of Love. It is the will-to-good. It is the ultimate compassion, because we refuse to let the problem simply fester. And it is needed, if we want (or need!) to bring Harmony through Conflict.
All problems deserve to be resolved.
It may be difficult but it is something we are all able to learn, as long as we are strongly motivated to succeed. And we can do it similarly with our fears and our attachments.
🙏 May this inspire you and lead you towards more harmony! May you find the courage to confront, persevere and overcome. I wish you all the best.
